How to find ways to protect -your values- before a relationship begins....

This can happen to WOMEN and it can also happen to MEN......

For some reason people get into deep relationships or they just "want some" from a relationship, but they only end up HURT in the end.  Extended family can also feel the pains of this relationship conditions too!

This advice is for ANYONE age of "relationship possibility" and above.  People age 13-18 may need to wait until full maturity at 16-18 to move closer, but they should consult "older people" (30-40 years old and above) in a family to ensure safety.  Relationships ARE GOOD, even if they are "high school sweet hearts."

There is a way to protect yourself, your future relationship, and other people from the hurt and pain associated with such.  Prevent the "break up" before it happens.

The first book to use is the HOLY BIBLE.  Don't assume any other book will do, until the "psalms and proverbs" have been regularly meditated upon.  (Sorry fancy psychology books.........you are NOT strong enough and confident in your demands)

Why the Psalms and Proverbs?  They are the foundation of general Social and Psychological conditions for humanity!  Even the founders of ancient social and psychological conditions referred to the bible!

Anyhow.

Start there.

Next, ensure that you have a "support system" or "support people" around.

Start by listing immediate family members and the in-laws or close connections within your family.  If you are not adopted, consider biological roles.  If a family member is adopted, consider the length of time and dedication they had with the family.  This would include any of the following: birth, adoption, marriage, civil partnership, or cohabitation, such as grandparents, great-grandparents, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, aunts, uncles, siblings-in-law, half-siblings, cousins, adopted children and step-parents/step-children, and cohabiting partners. Definition  Commonly people don't associate frequently with people beyond their second-cousin, depending upon the relationship with a "great-great-grandma" or their family.


List their general location and living arrangements (far-away, distant travel, long lost relative etc).  List their general ages.  List how frequently you spoke to them in your life.  Daily?  Weekly?  Monthly?  Every few months?  Every few years?


For some lucky people, they have a VERY long list.  Others have a short list.  Some people are very close in age and time of contact, others are not so close.

Now that the family members are listed, you know whom can help you JUDGE your own "domestic" character and whom you can trust to judge safely for your relationship choices.

Why put the family first and not the community?  Hypothetically, community can be committed to a "destructive nature" against a family, a culture or their ties!  Study conditions of genocide and other evils within humanity!  Beware of trusting ultimately in "community to raise a child" effect.  A community can be useful and necessary, but it is NOT the babysitter and it is not involved in personal domestic conditions in raising children, except in certain cases (like disability or severe poverty).

After the "family conditions" are listed, here is where it gets tricky.  Jesus said some family WILL come against you for your faith in him!  Yes!

List your values!  Study the bible.  Study the laws of the bible.  Study the conditions and traditions you agree with.  Here is a great example: Values based on Laws of the Bible.

Now that you have your values listed and your family listed, you can then make choices more effectively, especially in regards to relationships.  Note: Jesus said HONOR your parents......in the LORD.....not bow down to everything they command.....your own parents may not have the right sort of "godly values"! In those cases a "church family" may help you understand those conditions.

Evaluate the conditions of your family.  Is the person a male and you are female?  Put a star by that, as they will know things you don't know about the opposite sex and what is safe conditions.  Is the family member of a minority condition or heritage of "persecution" in history (like native american)?  Put a double star by that, as they will know the conditions of the CHARACTER in people more effectively than others who are not minority (note: if a white person is in a majority black community, the white person is a minority).

See the list from family and compare it to the values list.  Are you secure in your CHARACTER as a whole? If someone in your family can say, "she/he is an angry person," then that means there is a CHARACTER problem, and it is NOT the family member that needs to fix that.......it is YOU who need to fix it.

Look at the values you listed and then go through the star and double-star people in your list.  Rate 1-10 scale of relationship conditions and matching your values.  The higher the score, the more connection with relationship conditions (time/distance/age etc) you share and the more likely you could allow that person to evaluate your character and the character of a potential match.  Unfortunately, there are some people that NEVER saw the "REAL YOU" as a person and they are your relative.  If you know they don't want to hear your "cries for help" and truly care about you when you are in pain or suffering, cross them off.  You do not need to cater to such insanity.  No man or woman should put up with severely abusive or violent promotion family members.  Even a person who doesn't seem very Christian, but has general sense or respect towards you CAN help you in your evaluations.  (Jesus said to the people that some family members put others to death and persecute them!)

Anyhow, if you KNOW you found someone "online" or in any type of situation, even a workplace, school or church group, then you know you CAN confidently evaluate the conditions for relationship before the relationship begin, by FIRST double checking with him or her.  If the person who cares about you (your immediate family member), then you know you should NEVER pursue a deeper connection unless they have talked to your selected family member(s) FIRST!

Never -TOUCH- someone whom you cannot confidently say they are a safe person and value the same values you value.  EVEN if that beloved person is a SUPER FAMOUS and POPULAR SINGER in the band (I am not saying a person should never pursue a person like that.....perhaps even a famous you-tuber....but to not constantly fall for that condition).


Like this "not so famous youtuber".....

NEVER EVER -TOUCH- or frequently communicate with someone who is -online- (or even in certain groups) and only interested in "messing around"......

Keep things as "holy" as possible for the best results....

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After these conditions are met, then see to it that this person of interest is interested in similar faith-group situations.  Perhaps a prayer before the relationship begins and seeing dreams and visions about this relationship could help a person know if this is TRULY a relationship GOD himself wants you to be involved with (read the story of how PRAYER was used for find a wife for Isaac).  Look for "God signs" before ever moving into deeper encounters.  If God says a big -NO- then that means the relationship will simply NOT WORK very well for you and for the person of interest.  If God says a big -YES- and the safety net people say -YES- to your character/values and the character/values of the potential, then move further into the match.....by courting, meeting up more frequently and other such things.

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What about those who have already started a relationship and they didn't check "values" very well, or didn't have the right strengths your family could inform you about?  Check the "dreams" and -God signs-@!!  God STILL speaks to people's hearts in regards to their relationship conditions. He knows the best thing to do!

What about "other types of relationships"......???  Amy wants an "open relationship"....but Bob doesn't know why?  The answer is this, ONLY pursue further friendships in the LIGHT of your current partner!  EVEN ONLINE!  Mistrusted people are simply this, not-trust-able!  ALWAYS ensure that all "lovers" and friends or special people are of interest to you are ok in your SPOUSE or your other companions.  For matters of reality, beautiful people are ONLY truly beautiful when you see their heart and ambition to serve the LORD and not give into the "sexual impurity" culture (psalm 51 declares this)!  So ensure that friends that you and your spouse are pursuing are glory to the HEAVENLY father!


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Note:

Those with middle-east or Jewish heritage relatives or heritage conditions need to be particularly aware of these things especially considering the nature of scripture and the time-frame of the bible (post 9-11 and the #metoo movements = various sorts of fears).....  It CAN be hurtful knowing that a closely associated in-law has some sort of anti-semetism problem.....or extreme fear of middle-east people.

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Find more ways to develop greater understanding and rhetorical skills through post-secondary education in our demanding world, while still maintaining a strong biblical world-view.  Find a way to build confidence through frugal and effective post-secondary education, without compromising values.  My book may be purchased through amazon.com.  More information found here.

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