https://thetransformedwife.com/for-those-considering-divorce-stop/ (Of course I do not agree 100% with this author, as she is often "closed minded" even about biblical debates, but the facts are facts....which is what is of importance in this article)
As humanity comes up with the idea that obscenity, promiscuity and poor character are somehow "good" for humanity, the results are that relationships and commitment flounder. The relationships that develop are not given proper standards BEFORE the event of relationship occurrence.
To protect one's self from improper balance in relationship, make sure you check your values and conditions and the values of a possible relationship before trying to build upon knowledge of this other person.
Relationships can develop by seeking godly counsel as well as seeking divine wisdom (prayers, meditation and listening to the guidance of the Holy Spirit). Before that, it is good to KNOW what types of values to look for in a possible relationship.
In the following list....consider "the other person" and also consider "yourself" in evaluation. If you are already in a relationship (especially if there are children or vulnerable person's involved), continue to FIGHT for the RIGHT way to look at humanity and your spouse.
You could go through this list and ask "interview questions" before developing a relationship......maybe write a list of questions down. The more questions you ask, the more likely you will not have to deal with these burdens once relationship is developed. The more questions you receive the more likely you will know if you are being the right person for them. This IS a long list, but the MORE questions you ask beforehand the BETTER success in the LONG RUN. Make it a game and make it fun to ask these questions and you will cover many of these questions within 1/2 hour to 1 hour of time.
It would be easier to ask a man to simply say "I am a Christian" and accept that he is true about this, but in reality a person needs to make sure he is a SERIOUS person in regards to his faith and what he believes.
For those already in a relationship, consider PRAYING for your spouse. For those already developing a relationship, consider PRAYING for these things to be in your future spouse. A person could even take these ideas and PRAY for others who would not be a potential spouse.
example: Question 1: Who do you like to hang around? Where do you go? Do you like to hang around those people? Question 11: What types of things do you like in the bible and hope never changes? What types of things do you wish would change from the bible? What types of things would you like to add to the bible?
example for prayer topics: Question 28: I pray that [name] would correct people living in sin. Question 73: I pray that [name] would allow [name] people would allow times for rest and comfort.
These topics are based off of GOD'S LAWS! That is why I promote "the laws" in my blog topics (yes the topics can be controversial, but the topics are important!)
1. Consider whom the person decides to fellowship or hang around. Are they around people of a certain nationality or heritage? Are they around a certain religious group? What are the reasons they are around this particular group? Are they close to this group?
2. Do they believe in God?
3. Do they keep God's name as Holy and not profane it?
4. Do they consider that God is one as a standard of the Old-Testament which continued with standards by Jesus?
5. Do they fear God?
6. Do they avoid putting God's word to the test?
7. Do they imitate good and upright ways of going through life?
8. Do they honor the old and the wise?
9. Do they learn the bible and teach it? (including "the law/torah" portion of the bible)
10. Do they fellowship with people who know God's word, know and love God?
11. Do they add or take away from the bible teachings?
12. Do they regularly study the scripture? (including "the law/torah" portion of the bible)
13. Do they purposefully maintain a godly appearance in their clothing? Are they respectful to those who wear religious clothing?
14. Do they put verses around the home and community to remind themselves and others of God's goodness.
15. Do they consider circumcision as "neutral" or respect those who are and who are not circumcised. Are they circumcised in the heart?
16. Do they pray to God regularly? Do they thank him for his goodness? (some people pray in a greedy way or in a way to look for signs)
17. Do they love other believers in God/Jesus/Holy Spirit?
18. Do they love other people who are from the lands of the bible? (Israel/Jewish and surrounding communities)
19. Do they do something when a human life is in danger? (pro-life or pro-choice movements ?? terrorism issues?)
20. Do they avoid wronging someone in their speech?
21. Do they carry tales and myths?
22. Do they remove hatred from their heart?
23. Do they avoid taking revenge?
24. Do they avoid bearing a grudge?
25. Do they purposefully or mistakenly identify people from the community of people from lands of the bible to shame? (see 18) other tribes and nations?
26. Do they stop anyone who tries to curse others from (see 25 and 18).
27. Do they cause people who are simple-minded or unaware of some knowledge to stumble?
28. Do they correct people who are living in sin?
29. Do they relieve the burden of a man who is trying to make ends meet in life?
30. Do they assist and overcome the burdens of those who are having trouble meeting things in life?
31. Do they aid those who have fallen down? Do they aid those who have lost their reputation in life?
32. Do they stop affliction of the orphan and widow? Do they monitor and seek to overcome taxation and costs for them? Education and housing standards in local communities?
33. Do they avoid keeping all their things to themselves? Do they give away a portion to the needy?
34. Do they allow a portion of their land (if they are land owners) to be used for the poor and needy? Do they allow a portion of their home (if they are home owners) to be used for the causes of the poor and needy?
35. Do they leave behind extra supply, if they have been given something extra for the needy?
36. Do they love the stranger? Do they get to know their name, their hobbies, their dislikes, their desires?
37. Do they talk about the strangers they don't know in a good way or negative way?
38. Do they do business well without cheating customers?
39. Have they had a relationship with an unbeliever? Have they attempted to force beliefs on another in a relationship?
40. If they lend something, do they lend on interest or values that are out of line with practical means of kindness?
41. Do they honour their father and mother? How do they treat them? (If the parents are not believers, do they still show respect even if they are falsely accused?) How do they treat the extended family of the father and mother? How do they view the extended family?
42. Do they avoid straining their father and mother? Do they seek to bless their father and mother? How do they treat the extended family of the father and mother? How do they view the extended family?
43. Do they plan to be fruitful and multiply? Do they plan to adopt if they are barren? Will they take care of extended family member's children if tragedy occurs? Do they plan their life to slow down and attend to the needs of the children? (are the child and vulnerable person friendly)
44. If a man has a major injury, which creates barrenness, does he plan to adopt? Will he make the choice to overcome his fleshly desires instead of hiding his "seed"? (In other words he is not going to hide his desires behind his wife's back.....same goes for women who are barren)
45. Are they mature enough in their faith if their parents gave birth and raised them in an illegitimate (like out-of-wed-lock) household? Can they accept that their social status may bring burdens on the future home unless they are more matured in bible study and practice? (Those whose parents had infidelity problems may be at higher risk for sex-trafficking or other sexually related crimes which puts children at risk)
46. Are they ok with accepting that their parents (if they were in an ungodly relationship/marriage or religious status) may not be able to participate in the marriage or conditions of raising the future children.
47. Did they ever play the "harlot," "fornicator" and/or have "infidelity" issues? If they formerly lived this life, have they fully repented of this? (for some it is better not to have a relationship with those who have lived this way because bad-character is still brewing)
48. If they were in a former relationship was the former relationship stopped for a "crime" reason? (like a woman was in wed-lock underage 16 or so, or the marriage was forced, or there was formerly a rape issue)
49. Are they willing to go without "touching" before a marriage takes place? (hand-holding, side hugs are ok when around other family members and those of similar faith....but kissing and nakedness are absolutely forbidden. Living together may not take place under biblical standards.)
50. Is the man willing to "take it easy" for one year after the marriage takes place to make his wife happy? Is the woman willing to partake of various means to ensure she is available and finding safety in the home during the first year of marriage?
51. Is the man willing to stay away from stressful employment during the first year of marriage (including military, healthcare, emergency types of employment)? Is the woman willing to allow time to encourage frugal and peaceful living during the first year of marriage?
52. Is the man of the house willing to be the provider of food, shelter, rights to his body? Is the woman willing to remain close to home during the first year of marriage and then stay close to home when the children are very young? Is she willing to accept basic food staples from gardens, wilderness, shelter from basic structures rented or movable and allow him access to her body?
53. If a spouse is tempted outside of the marriage, will she/he TRUTHFULLY inform the spouse? If there is a desire outside of the marriage will the spouse freely prepare to receive correction if the relationship is not a healthy or good relationship outside the marriage?
54. Have they ever accused someone falsely of committing an obscene act? Male or female?
55. Do they believe in trusting in God to provide another spouse if one spouse dies?
56. Do they believe in remarrying after the death of a spouse to a person that has similar faith beliefs and practices?
57. Have they ever had issues with relatives who had issues with controlling their sexual appetite? Were they ever practiced on by a relative? (sadly many people grow up in homes where this issue is not put under control and taught how to do such behavior)
58. Have they ever had issues with a family member that wants to sleep with a person of the same sex? With an animal? Any other obscene acts including pornography issues?
59. How do they approach issues of polygyny? Are they over the age of 25 to consent to a relationship not on emotions, or religious ritual but on wisdom and practical judgment?
60. Do they respect the biblical holy days? Do they recognize them? If they do not formally practice them, do they at least set aside days of cleanliness and rest to practice the practices of the holy days? How do they approach national, non-christian, false-Christian, pegan or other religious holidays? How does their extended family approach these issues?
61. Do they respect clean eating? Do they participate in family or community meals that serve unclean foods? How do they approach the issues of eating foods offered to idols (religious beliefs outside the bible based on dietary laws)?
62. Do they loan money to people without interest if they are of the same faith? Do they avoid borrowing money on interest especially if they are getting assistance based on faith?
63. Do they avoid pressing charges on the poor man that cannot repay his loans?
64. Do they commit to honest measurements or do they commit fraud?
65. If they employ someone, are they quick to pay the wage earner? Do they treat the wage earner kindly? Do they allow the worker to a fair share of some of the products that are being produced? Do they give gifts and rewards to earners from time to time? (for women who would like to be "at home" does she treat others with attentive kindness and giftings?)
66. Do they treat equipment (including animals) that they use in employment or for work in a decent way?
67. Are they good at keeping their word?
68. Do they avoid saying they will do something and then not do it? Do they avoid making empty promises?
69. Do they appear as if to honour vows of others? Do they appear as if they will honour a vow in marriage? (If a vow was broken was it only for cases of severe abuse?)
70. Do they allow land that they own to lie in rest? Do they allow themselves to rest from working on a garden or pruning for a year off and on?
71. Do they make plans to release people of debts and things owed to them about once every few years or so? or are they merciless in their dealings?
72. Are they willing to give loans (needed supplies) to a poor man?
73. Do they have plans to "rest" from labor on land and services every few years? Do they plan to allow others to help them in times of need or are they stubborn in understanding that others can take care of them sometimes?
74. Are they aware of many verses in the bible (including the first five books of the bible)? Besides general knowledge?
75. Are they able to thrive without inheritance from family members? Do they rely on the provision from God?
76. Do they respect general cases of judgment about general issues? Do they love their neighbor and not want his property damaged if the neighbor has not done anything wrong? If the neighbor HAS done something wrong, do they avoid seeking revenge?
77. Do they "falsely accuse" others? Do they make extreme assumptions about others that may not hold truths?
78. Are they constantly dependent on "close relatives" to help them overcome judgments in this life? Are they stable enough to speak up on their own behalf?
79. Are they willing to allow others to tell you about what they think of them as a person? Are they willing to allow others who knew them a long time to tell you what they think of them as a person?
80. Do they avoid perverting judgment of others?
81. Do they do things to protect people from damaging themselves on their property? (rails, clean walkways, cleanliness, seat-belts, internet guardian, child-safety)
82. Do they make true claims about whom owns what property? including the property of indigenous tribes? If their ancestors made bad choices on indigenous lands, do they return back what was wrongfully stolen?
83. Do they claim that the writing and false claims in textbooks are good educational tools or do they refute false claims about others in textbooks used to teach children?
84. Do they avoid people who do evil to others? Do they avoid watching movies/screen that shows people doing evil things to others?
85. Do they allow "freedom" and "reparation" for people who mistakenly committed crimes? (including crime of abortions, sexuality issues, racial tensions, stealing, mistaken employment practices etc)
86. Do they allow for a man who seduced a woman to marry that woman? Do they assume all men who seduced and the woman was of age are bad? (extreme patriarchy says all woman need to "be 100% pure" to be a whole person. True gospel Christianity says JESUS is the one to rely upon for purity.)
87. Do they believe that if a man takes a virgin woman (who is of age and an appropriate situation not a potential institutional victim) and that woman is not betrothed then if the woman allows it, he can marry her? (extreme patriarchy says all woman need to "be 100% pure" to be a whole person. True gospel Christianity says JESUS is the one to rely upon for purity.)
88. Do they listen to false teachings from religious people? Do they listen to biblical teachings from people who do not even need payment for their service? Do they put all their hope in "one man" as a supreme know-it-all about the Christian faith?
89. Do they avoid all forms of idolatry? Do they avoid all forms of idolatry that comes from holiday themed things? Do they have a lot of celebrity idols? Do they cater to a lot of idols in their life that will not apply to real-life-needs and basic entertainments? If others are using "idols" or doing "worldly things" do they throw a big fit or have a relaxed demeanor about it? Do they avoid eating meats offered to idols (muslim related themes)?
90. Do they reject using wizards, occultist things, ghosts, magic, tree worship, symbolic hatred of God's word?
91. Do they avoid putting tattoos on their body? Do they consider showing gospel to people who have tattoos?
92. Do they find disgust in former religious groups that "slayed" idolator tribes? Do they seek to avoid participating in "idolator" tribal practices? Do they avoid areas and places where the people constantly seek to glorify themselves and their own works/practices? Do they avoid making "agreements" with idolatrous people?
93. Do they stay away from cutting their bodies like the idolatry people? Do they seek to allow their beard to grow if man?
94. Do they avoid participating, choosing education and choosing careers in biology practices that create strange and mixed biology species? Do they trust the LORD to provide foods, shelters and clothing without the need to change genetic material of species?
95. Do they cautiously avoid appearing as the opposite gender in clothing? Do they wear what pertains to their own gender? (Note: there ARE different types of men (Sampson vs. Gideon) and different types of women (Jezabel vs. Abigail)....but masculinity and femininity are not interchangeable....
96. Do they partake of careers that make money off of people that are dead or dieing? Exploitation of the weak and poor?
97. How do they participate in events where a relative has died? What types of things did they do? What types of reactions do they have? Do they know if their deceased relative was saved or unsaved? Do they know if that relative understood the full scripture and understood it from the "heart" or did they have a "mouth only" type of belief?
98. How do they react when someone marries a divorced woman (excluding the woman taken by force)? How do they react when someone plays the harlot (excluding women who are tempted and asked folly questions)? How do they react when a woman with an unbelieving and violent husband doesn't allow that woman true dignity?
99. How do they react when a man marries a widow especially if the widow was recently widowed? How do they react when a man marries a virgin that is under the age of 25? How do they react when a man marries a virgin that is 25 and older? How do they react when a man marries more than one virgin?
100. How do they react to people who cohabit? Do they consider that a "state offered" marriage license is NOT as much value as a "covenant promised" through redemption condition?
101. How do they feel about people living in their bondage as serving in "religious" positions? How do they feel about people who are "ignorant" of biblical truths as serving in "religious" positions?
102. Do they consider that the people occupied in one type of faith based field should not take on all the work of another that is skilled in another occupation in the faith based field? Do they consider that physical needs in the faith based fields are secondary to spiritual needs?
103. Do they believe in allowing others to share their views on the message of the gospel? Do they believe in allowing only one qualified person to speak on the message of the gospel?
104. Do they set apart some of their income or work for giving to the needs of the faith? Do they set apart some of their income (separate account) for the needs of others?
105. Are they respectful of other people's religious objects (even if the religious value doesn't teach truth of the gospel by being born again)? (headscarves, tasstles, statues, objects on the wall, certain bells, certain things of specific color....)
106. Do they respect a set-aside day(s) of rest? Do they believe in prayers daily? Incense twice daily?
107. Do they clean themselves before presenting things to others? Do they appear before others with unclean appearance? Do they respect the people who do not have clean appearance and treat them with recognition and notice them?
108. If a person is in error about sacred things, do they repair this error and seek forgiveness?
109. Do they keep the fires of "prayer" going in their life? Do they keep the fires of "bible study" going in their life?
110. Do they avoid scripture advice from people who have been intoxicated? Do they seek to overcome the sin problems of people who have intoxication?
111. Do they remove "old things" that are not useful in their life? Do they depart from "old beliefs" that do not bring redemptive nature to the heart?
112. If they are presenting things of the gospel are they "busy" with other things frequently or can they take the time? For example a woman with very young children would need to attend to their needs frequently so she could not properly present biblical things.
113. Do they warn others of troubles that brew in the hearts and minds of men and women? Inside and outside the sanctuary? Issues of racism? Issues of sin? Issues of misinterpretations of scripture?
114. Do they respect ancient sacred writings and objects? From biblical ancient times and themes and from other cultures ancient times and themes?
115. Do they come to family gatherings, sacred gatherings, places of respect with godly behaviour and actions? Do they appear depressed, disrespectful and distressed when appearing before others in a gathering? Do they only appear to attend to the needs of the people they like or they make amends with the people they know that God would like them to meet the needs for those people?
116. Do they support cleanly behavior after child-bearing and with child-bearing? Do they seek out ways the creator wants them to follow to allow for child-bearing?
117. Do they go before people as "blemished" or do they become "merciful" "forgiving" "repentant"?
118. Do they avoid selling or allowing people to do ungodly things to places which are devoted to the Lord?
119. If they have done something wrong, before the Lord or before others, do they immediately repent of these actions?
120. Do they know how to resist temptations by "self-sacrifice".....putting themselves on the cross?
121. Do they reflect honour to whom it is due? Do they badger and pester people who are set-aside for a different type of employment? Do they pay tribute to the people who are working in honorable places of employment? Do they pay tribute to people who are working in humble places of employment?
122. Do they avoid people and places that give credit as being "godly" and "ok" people (sodomy and harlotry) when they are actually living in sin and need redemption? Do they pay big money to places that redeem people from sexual impurity or do they pay big money to places that label outsiders as homophobic/pornography phobic etc.? (There is a BIG GAP and difference between brotherly/sisterly love and "sexual impurity" issues)
123. Do they consider that various conditions in the process of bringing life to this earth can become unclean? Do they consider that it takes time to care for the new life that comes to this earth? Do they avoid people who make a mockery of these conditions? Do they laugh at, scorn at or belittle the process of bringing life to this earth or do they embrace these processes?
124. Do they look to JESUS as a king forever? Do they look to worldly politicians as a king? Do they see that political leaders who do not know the bible (including torah) are not good and wise kings and leaders in this world?
125. Do they avoid drinking wine? Do they avoid giving wine to those who are Nazarene in nature and mocking them? Do they use grapes in a way that is sufficient for its purposes in entertainment and godly uses?
126. Do they avoid going in areas and buildings where there is a dead body? Do they allow themselves the freedom to overcome the issues of dealing with dead bodies if they are a healthcare worker? Do they allow themselves to avoid professions of dealing with dead-bodies (like criminal or justice matters)?
127. Do they have fear of enemies in wars abroad? Do they have issues of post-tramatic depressions from wars and tragedies?
128. Do they agree with allowing some to take on enemy battle fields through sharing gospel instead of holding a weapon?
129. Do they respect those in wars and in countries where there are wars in fighting for the safety of the people within the country? Do they concern themselves with overcoming enemies that do not protect the innocent civilians?
130. Do they protect women caught in battle lines or do they want women to fight the battles? Do they seek to protect women caught in the enemy battle field?
131. Do they have a place to stay clean and set apart and away from dirty conditions when battle fields are around?
132. Do they destroy the works of evil in the hearts of men that practice the ideas of racism as being a "good thing" which only prompts wars and terrorism?
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