Many have read the book "To Train Up a Child" by the Pearls on nogreaterjoy.org.
I can say they have very good advice in the book as well as confusing advice to an individual who has not worked with a medical professional view point nor been exposed to societies where Amish and other trained children exist. There is another book entitled, "Raising Godly Tomatoes" which also has good advice and confusing advice to one who has not worked with medical professional view point.
So how does a person weed through the advice given in such books entitled to bring a child to a state of life that is completely godly vs. the child who is a self-entitled brat or depressive druggy, as so often occurs in psychologically untrained childhood approach to parenting.
Before reading further, consider reading the book Parent Effectiveness Training by Thomas Gordon at gordontraining.com. He has had experience working with delinquent children in juvenile detention or therapeutic environments. His works point specifically to the fact that parents, caregivers, professionals and even sales people must carefully use words wisely as well as consider putting the needs of both you and the individual child or person first before assuming you ever have the right to discipline another human being. When a person knows how to effectively listen to the child or other person, that person gains trust and easily listens to the caregiver's advice.
Another book I would also recommend is "homeschooling with a meek and quiet spirit" by Teri Maxwell. Many good points on how to remain calm while parenting.
Considering the above, here is some proper child-training advice I have for those who would like to know how to get along with your child yet ensure he or she becomes mature and godly in nature (consider that those who do not advocate spanking are often the ones who end up verbally assaulting the child in the long run or inappropriately guiding the child):
1. Learn effective listening skills. Allow your child to make decisions from toddler age and above.
2. Spank-style correction should be completed before the child's third birthday. After that the child will encounter a stumbling block to their learning and growth.
3. Never spank in anger. Always calm and cool.
4. Honesty spares the parent's need to expose anger to the child.
5. Ensure that the child has proper nutrition. Consider lacto-fermented foods, vegetable foods and eliminate sugar. This eliminates whining, crying and frustration between parent and child.
6. Allow the child exploration and mess in the home. Allow building forts and making tornadoes. Outdoor exploration is perfect training. Those who do not are often hard to get along with in terms of all forms of relationship. They are also prone to scorn.
7. Work with your child when you clean up. They spray and you wipe. You wash the dishes and they rinse.
8. Spank quickly and effectively to get the child to complete work tasks.
9. A simple flick on the hand prevents child from touching everything in the store and reminds child who is boss in public.
10. Setting a one-year-old on lap, with a gentle calm rod and ensuring no-movement off lap for one hour and such training sessions teaches the child how to remain concentrated on task. Parent learns to overcome personal anger.
11. A spank or correction should never be any more stinging than a simple immunization shot. Test 2 or 3 times on own thigh to test the strength of force you are using.
12. A simple stinging spank and gentle words to encourage child to go-to-bed is really effective.
13. Other methods of discipline work like standing child in corner, jumping jacks, extra chores and such also work just as effectively only it will take longer to ensure the child chooses self discipline. As I said before, if you know how to effectively listen to your child like a counselor, the discipline will not be needed as much.
14. Loving your child. Hugging, laughing and such really aids in not needing to discipline.
15. Have child cook with you and ensure you include them in many of the tasks you do from writing something, to sewing something, to building a greenhouse and more. This enhances their knowledge and skill.
16. Practice perfect behavior before going into public spaces. Practice at home or in a park or some other area. Say, "come here johnny" or "get the oatmeal Jane." Before entering the store explain exactly the behavior you expect from your child.
17. Never tell the child how to speak, talk or "think" even in terms of one's religious preferences. Only express these as opinion. Doing so is a mind control technique that leads to mental depressions. The child will know something is true as they explore this for themselves.
18. You can and must encourage your child to avoid bad-friends. Those who bully others and such. Simply say, "I do not want you to play with that boy because......" or "I do not want you to behave like that snotty uninclusive girl because....." the child explores what is wrong on his or her own without you saying in a direct statement "Don't ever hang out with Johnny again."
I hope these pointers allow you to understand that yes, use of the rod is beneficial to the child in such a way that the child chooses personal responsibility. However, all situations must be win-win or else there is a looser and that is not healthy in the parent child relationship and in properly guiding the child. Rod and Reproof which is exploration of the discipline in raising children properly. The more you read and understand proverbs and biblical passages about good character and such.....the more effective you will be in parenting. Practice and obedience to the passages helps significantly.
In summary, how often do I actually have to use discipline in our home, besides general instruction to do chores, rarely to never in a period of three months. General training, such as with teaching the child to sit still only needs occur for about two weeks and then the child learns to obey and remain calm. The discipline I often end up doing involves sibling rivalry, getting into something that doesn't belong to them and such and that is about it. I often trust that my children are making the best choices because I am often explaining to them what things are bad in human behavior and what things are good.
Like I said above, I do encourage you to read the above resources, however, you must read through them with proper glasses. Filter out the bad and keep the good.
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