This is not a post that says that marriage (and family) is bad.
No.
This is not a post that says all marriages that are started and didn't start on the right foot should break apart.
No.
This is a post about things to beware of BEFORE tying the knot (in some cases it needs to be not).
It is safer and more productive for spiritual and social safety to remain unmarried in some cases.
Yes. The bible DOES SAY....it is better to marry than to burn (meaning don't promote things that promote folly and messing around outside of marriage).
But what if that folly only leads to destruction down the road. Meaning they tied the (k)not just because, when the heart of the couple were not really on the same boat.
Any person who is 40 years old and older can explain CLEARLY why some marriages are on good ground and why some are on unstable ground. They (even if they are not believers) can see the fruits before the marriage even took place.
Some couples are married when either one of the couples are unsaved or both are unsaved. How can we know if they are saved? By their fruits ye shall know them.
1. Have they been *full water* baptized? (not just sprinkling, but a full believer above age 12 has to choose Christ and be full water baptized in symbolic gesture of faith. The faith of dying to self and living in him) Unfortunately, some Christian circles do not emphasize this and believe in only infant baptism. This isn't scripture, as decisions for faith need to be made when a person is fully aware of sin and other issues.
2. Have they repented of their sin? Have they said I'm sorry to those whom they offend (offended)? Simply open up the first five books of the bible. The commandments were for yesterday, they are for today. No man can live on an island, as all are accountable for lies, cheating, forgery etc.
3. Do they truly follow Jesus? Light and darkness do not dwell together easily. only one master can truly reveal the depths of the heart. If light is not present, darkness tries to make a way. The pharisees tried to make a rule that a person couldn't eat with unwashed hands and they would be unclean...but Jesus was speaking on behalf that they were only eating bread (a clean food) and these things of washing hands are not of particular importance as contained in the scripture.
4. Do they have the gift of the Holy Spirit? Do they believe in the comforter? Without an eternal awareness, there is no fruit of righteousness in the face of darkness in this world. Some say that means speaking in tongues or seeing "God signs." In actuality, it simply means that a person fully trusts in his presence at all times and in all places.
Yes, some have said the "baptism" thing can go either way (infant baptism or no baptism at all). Others have said that the Holy Spirit thing can go in favor of speaking in tongues and against it (very little tongues, more God Signs, looking for the fruits of righteousness etc).
But the truth is this.
A person cannot live on bread alone! The descriptions in the scripture are from yesterday and use various elements which can be found today. Elements of nature and of human life. (Nature of eagles.....elements of human life....doors, water, clothing etc).
Ok.
So the basics are covered.
But even the sexular world (I mean secular world) can sense that some marriages will have trouble.
These six things result in divorce 90% of the time.
1. Infidelity
2. Financial
3. Accusation
4. Escalation
5. Invalidation
6. Alienation
In the bible there are examples of these types of behaviours and the fruits.
1. King David had infidelity problems. It caused death.
2. The rich man had pride and Lazarus was poor. Pride creates tension and leads to death of a marriage. Even though Solomon was wealthy and knew a lot of things about financial struggles, he still failed at eliminating personal issues at hand which later led to the destruction and capture of Jerusalem. Jesus offered the solution. Love thy enemy and thy neighbor.
3. The false accuser came around when Joseph was in Potiphar's house. Now I'm sure that Potiphar's wife remained married to Potiphar, but the fact of the matter is that an innocent man suffered under accusation.
4. Extreme emotions? Jesus did overturn tables, but his anger was righteous anger. The bible says be angry and sin not. Ahab and Jezabel may have been married but they caused much strain on the prophet Elijah.
5. Jesus was the son of a carpenter. He grew up in Nazareth. Invalidating the humble life of upbringing created tension among the people towards Jesus.
6. Neglect is a serious matter. Neglecting the assembly of believers. Neglecting the widows and orphans (vulnerable people continue to live among us). When a spouse is sick, ill or injured yet the other spouse is in folly, there is tension. Naboth was a sour husband who showed no remorse for his neglect of his wife Abigail.
Ok. So far I have covered a lot of things.
Double check with this list.
On a scale of 1-10, list these things as true for one partner(or self) and the other partner. 10 Being most true and 1 being least true.
1. Baptism
2. Repentance
3. Follow Jesus
4. Holy Spirit involved
5. Infidelity eliminating (sexual impurity exaltation or repentance)
6. Financial conditions in order
7. Accusation eliminating
8. Escalation of emotions controlled
9. Invalidation overcome
10. Alienation avoidance
Without even going to the alter, a person can sense that CHARACTER is of more importance to the success of marriage than anything else on earth. An 8 or above is a good sign. A 5 or below is a bad sign.
The first thing on the list is Baptism? Yes. Don't be yolked with a person who doesn't share the same faith....or believe in the little things of ceremonial significance! The symbol of baptism equates to ACTUAL DEATH BURIAL AND RESURRECTION! So in that essence, it matters not if a person truly has intellectual skill or practice, it matters more that a person understands that ALL MEN DIE.....BECAUSE OF THE SIN OF OLD ADAM!
A funeral happens on earth. Then that means a person is free to remarry (if they are believers...they should marry in the LORD).
Now what about differences in denomination and habitual things that could create tension (these could effect 7, 8, 9 and 10. What if one person says they like their culture foods from their home-country (chinese foods? Mexican foods? Native American wilderness foods? etc.)
These little things can become big things if the TRUTH isn't put into play.
Will the spouse make fun of a spouse that would like to make blackberry jam out of berries found in the woods? Will the spouse make fun of the the other spouse that would like to make hummus from scratch (middle eastern food)? Will they spouse make fun of the other spouse that would like to wear traditional clothing from China? Will the spouse make fun of the other spouse for building a house out of a tent? Will the spouse make fun of the African American who likes fried chicken? These little things may seem like no big deal because ancestors did these things......but they can be a BIG DEAL if the respect is not given.
Don't even consider touching a "smart person" who has many gifts in this or that, if they won't even RESPECT the ancestry and practices of yesteryear. The fruits of hatred brewed heavily in WW2.....as any one found "not being German/Aryan" was told to divorce or even told to murder their own spouse!
Watch how the future spouse treats various extended family and how they truly feel about situations at hand! (This could be a severe warning about conditions of racism for some couples). A knowledgeable person knows about Civil Wars, WW1, WW2 and way back to the heritage and conditions of the Jewish people (some don't even know their full ancestry at time of marriage....or the extended family conditions).
Basically. Use the above list (10 things) along with 10 things of value to your culture (your parents and their practices). How well does this future spouse treat such and such under certain conditions. Aka....Norwegians make lefse. Does the future spouse make fun of the "dumb norwegians" for eating such? Middle East people eat "no pork products." Does the future spouse make fun of the foods eaten in such environments? Clothing? Water? Housing choices? Culture significance plays a role in couples whether people realize it or not. This is due to ancestry from Noah and where the tribes moved through the earth.
Ok. So that about summarizes a basic fundamentals. As a person can clearly see, the elders of the land should know what signs to look for in a future marriage and whether it is a safe condition or not. The married couple's future is in GOD'S hands first and foremost. Don't put a married couple into the hands of those who promote "abominations" or other things God himself still sees as unrighteous. Put the married couple into the hands of the one who cares for the couple the most. The king of kings.
Speaking of "being saved" ensure a person can check for issues often found in those unsaved: Gluttony (or other neglect of health issues). Laziness. Greed (gambling and faulty entertainment). Sexual impurity (that includes pornography problems and promotion of abominations). Pride (well educated and economically stable but self-focused). Depressions and mental health due to lack of practical beliefs (more common than we believe from family history). Practicing and catering to the six things the lord hates....seven abominations.
Other things may be asked as far as beliefs and social practices as well. This may depend or not depend upon denomination practice.
Here are a few things to consider.
1. Child-bearing (how many? God's timing? Adoptions? Spacing?....health issues approach? infertility drugs?) *****use caution when ever supporting a "couple" that believe in shedding innocent blood, even for the sake of fertility*****
2. Extended family interaction (How often? How far apart? How much control over things in couples home (what to wear, how to address children behaviour and raising, holidays))
3. Holidays? (unsaved may just go along with non-biblical teachings on these matters.....beware)
4. Entertainment? Christian movies? Christian music? Only hymns? Only modest clothing in shows? No sporting events except healthcare issues and concerns?
5. The church is a "building," a "bible believing group," or a "street preaching" practice?
6. Out side religions? (support with basic needs? share gospel? administer justice on them? reveal truth?) etc.
7. political practice and perspective? Participate or leave the country of origin? Suffer in the turmoil of the nations? (ye shall be hated of all nations for my name sake.....)
8. Sabbath Day? Biblical feasts? Alternative Christian beliefs (even mormon, Jahova's witness or false groups)
9. Women and men roles? Work out of the home? Work close to home? Avoid certain careers?
10. Presentation to the public? Modest clothing? Specific brand of vehicle and clothing? Dumb? intellectually gifted? cultural? (applies to male and female)
etc.....
be wise....not foolish
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